I was emailing with a friend today who is beginning a journey with her father that I took with mine. My precious father became disabled in 2007 and I was honored to be his full-time caregiver for the last three years of his life. This was one of the greatest blessings of my life. He was an amazing man who loved me beyond words ... almost as much as I loved him!
Today, as I was thinking about the struggles my friend, her father and her family are about the face, I thought of some great advice I forgot to implement near the end of my father's life. I have learned a lot of lessons and feel I have a lot of good advice to give, but the greatest of these is this ... take care of the caregiver! Much like the flight attendant that reminds you, in the event of an emergency, to put on the oxygen mask for yourself first, we caregivers must remember to take care of ourselves so we can take care of others.
I have some serious health challenges in my own life. Taking care of my father 24/7 required that I eat properly, exercise often and tend to my own physical and mental health. At first, I was the poster child for caregivers. When I quit my job to stay home with him, I ate a clean, healthy diet. I ran the steps in the hospital to keep myself in shape. I did strength training while he was asleep. I went to bed on time so I could face the next day. In the same way, I maintained my mental health by having "dates" in my own home with Better Half when we couldn't leave my dad at night. I tried to evenly balance home, family and caregiving.
Near the end of my father's life, I was so focused on hospice care and keeping track of all the important details of my dad's life, that I forgot the details of my life. Our primary hospice nurse would tell me I had to take care of the caregiver, but I didn't listen because my brain was only wrapped around my dad and how many days he may have left. I kept him comfortable at any expense. The days were long and the nights were even longer. I lost control of "me."
My father passed away last autumn knowing that his daughter and his family loved him beyond words. We all miss him at the dinner table still to this day. I think of him every day. But the worst part has been trying to pick up my own pieces. I was so absorbed with his treatment, that I didn't realize I had a life-threatening infection of my own, from which I have struggled to recover for the last ten months. It has been a long, uphill battle. During that time, my family became the caregivers.
I urge you to be a little bit selfish. Whether you are a caregiver or even a parent, don't forget to love yourself too. Make healthy choices. Make time for yourself. Do something good for your mental health each day. You are important!
Be healthy.
Very well written!
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